Negative stereotypes

“As a single parent, I am looked down on. I am a lesser person because I do not have a partner.  When things go wrong, it is automatically my fault because I am a single parent.  There is no respect for a single parent.  We are seen as single by choice, just to get benefits, so we can be lazy and not have to go out to work.”

“[I’ve] been called a chav, a scrounger, repeatedly asked where my sons dad is by strangers, told I should’ve ‘kept my legs shut’ rather than be single mum, called Vicky Pollard, asked why I couldn’t keep a man and what I did to make my sons dad leave.”

“There is a stigma attached to being a single parents (mothers especially I think) that we are low educated, don’t want to work and just want to live on benefits. Also there is a misconception that every single parent get tons of benefits and are taking it in and in my experience that has not been the case (although I am grateful for the help I have received).”

“I am treated like a second-rate person, because of circumstances beyond my control.”

“It’s the benefit mum view. It dehumanises needs and people treat you like uneducated scum- I went to university and had a great job before all this but all they see isn’t benefits and single mum status.”

“The way single parents are portrayed in the media and by our politicians is ludicrous - that we are sponges on society. In actual fact single parents are the most tenacious and hard working people I’ve ever met, with a multitude of skills. Stop painting the picture that single mothers (over single fathers) are the cause of societal issues such as crime rates etc.”

“Culturally there’s an assumption that is negative when it comes to single and lone parents, and definitely single mothers in particular; we’re subjected to incorrect assumptions about the experiences leading us to become single parents (out of date, Christian and patriarchal incorrect assumptions) and about our effectiveness as parents.”

attitudes from professionals

“instead of my child being assessed for a neurological condition that my parenting is called into question as I am a single parent. Finally starting to get somewhere with [NAME] hospital however the school has not been as supportive. Clearly they see my single parent status rather than the fact that I myself am a lecturer in education!”

“My son fell from the sofa and as a single first time parent I was worried and had no one to call. So I called 111 just to make sure there was nothing I’d have missed when I checked him over. When she found out I was a single parent she got social services involved who had to visit and realised all was fine. I felt really discriminated against, like I wasn’t good enough on my own.”

“I do frequently here ‘single parent’ described as a deficit. I am a Social Worker and highly trained. I hear so often having a single mothers being cited within the chronology of a child’s adverse life events. I think perceptions are so often negative.”

“In primary 1, my youngest child was having trouble adjusting, He cried every day going to school and was really unhappy despite breezing through nursery at the same school with great reports. His teacher was anything but helpful when I approached her, and said it wasn't really any wonder he was "acting out" as children from single parent families are statistically more likely to fail in the school system. I was so shocked I burst into tears and couldn't even have a coherent conversation. I left the school feeling ashamed of my situation and couldn't bring myself to tell anyone what had happened for months afterwards.!”

attitudes towards single dads

“[There’s an] assumption from school that i am second best.”

“other single parents ask me how often I see my children as the assumption is a male cannot be a resident parent.”

“There is a common perception that single dads were the reason why a relationship came to an end in the first place. Whilst this can, of course, be true, it is not universally true, yet we are cast in the same light regardless. We are also seen as part-time parents, even when we have at least 50% custody of our children. I have lost count of the number of times schools, doctors and more have defaulted to their mother's contact information when I remain the primary carer and remain living in the same home with my children whilst their mother has long since left.”

social exclusion

“Couples with children exclude me from activities/meet ups and look down on me.”

“I have always felt like an outsider. Couples are not interested in you because you don’t have a partner.”

“I have definitely been left out of many social events and even left out of friendship groups etc. It affects my confidence in social settings and this rubs off on my son.”

“It’s very real and it’s horrible. I don’t think you get it until you are living it. I moved back to a home town and people don’t interact with me and at the nursery such a big deal is made of my son and his inability to share (hes 2) and they put it down to our situation at home.”

“A regular occurrence is that I don’t get help or support because I am a single father. I am not entitled to some services because it’s for single mothers not fathers. These are not mother centric services, just parenting help, tips and offers. If you want to remove the stigma for single parents then all single parents deserve to be treated the same.”

“As a single father, it was very difficult to have my child included in social things for kids, mothers would exclude us and not invite us as they would rather chat to the other mothers.”

covid-19 restrictions

“Covid lockdown was a nightmare as there was only ever me to try to homeschool a child alone and I had an extremely demanding full time job to try to hold down. The stress was unbelievable! There was no break from anything. Ever!”

“Covid restrictions meant significantly higher levels of isolation which is already a severe issue.”

“There was no provision or thought for families with just one adult in them during the covid lockdown. It was traumatic to not be able to access in any way what is now, finally, called a ‘support bubble’, and be expected to singlehandedly keep household, children and everything afloat and somehow thriving in the massively extenuating circumstances, with no family, no friends and no contact even with neighbours allowed. Harshest experience of my life.”

“Covid lockdown was horrific. I will not cope doing it again on my own. I went weeks without speaking to another adult. My mental health will not survive it.”

“[A]s a single parent of 3, the schools closed and work would not furlough me. Instead a few months later they made me redundant. I had told them I was struggling to work from home and look after the 3 kids (especially with 1 being autistic). I was not allowed anyone to look after the kids. The school would not look after them (despite being on an early help plan they closed the case suddenly before lockdown).”

“At the start of the Covid pandemic little was considered about single parents - especially single working parents juggling everything. The government had to be petitioned to consider our situation.” 

“I have had no childcare throughout covid meaning I work from 4am until my child wakes and then in the evening when he’s asleep - 6 months of this is exhausting!”

“I was chosen first due to "childcare" to be furloughed in my department and then for redundancy.”

access to housing

“Looking for a place to rent (private - before being allocated social housing) - so many landlords and agents -wouldn't rent to a single parent - especially a single parent on benefits.”

“I have been told landlords don’t want single parents in their properties.”

“I've been refused viewing on a one bedroom flat (all I can afford) as they told me I can't share a room with my young daughter, but explained if it was another adult I'd be allowed to share it.”

“Landlord’s and letting agents immediately dismissed me. I was pregnant, single and working full time but due to go on maternity leave in a couple of months. I was desperate for somewhere to live and at risk of being homeless if I couldn’t find something. My parents even offered to act as a guarantor but I was rejected left, right and centre. It was extremely scary. I eventually found somewhere but was scared to disclose my pregnancy until the tenancy agreement was signed….Fortunately she was not yet born, but the flat was small and developed black mould - it was all I could find at the time so we had to make do with it.”

“Due to having to rely on Universal Credit for income as a single parent, I am being discriminated against when looking for housing as some landlords will not accept UC at all and others will always choose a couple who work full-time over a part-time single parent.”

“The discrimination single parents face in housing is enormous! The illegal stating of no DSS by some landlords or agents is not being paid attention too and it is still happening.”

housing for non-resident parents

“I applied for social housing due to high cost of private rent on 3 bedroom properties in my area. My children are 11 & 8, and of opposite gender and need to have separate rooms. My application wasn't denied, but I was told if I proceeded I would only offered 1 bedroom properties. When I questioned this I was told it was that they had a suitable home with there mum and no actual need to stay with me.”

“Housing has been a nightmare, been repeatedly given wrong info by the LA, told I can't get a larger place because I am not a resident parent. So I've been stuck in a bedsit for years, fighting for somewhere so my child has somewhere to sleep other than on a camp bed in the living room.”

“Charged bedroom tax when I have my children 50/50.”

 “[I]f a child stays with their parent they should be automatically exempt from the bedroom tax.  The bedroom tax is intended to prevent homes with ‘spare rooms’ being left empty, but that room is for my children and they have the right to a room in their own home.”

applying for jobs

“I haven’t got jobs because of my ‘caring responsibilities’ (I have actually been told that during interviews).”

“I avoid mentioning my children when applying for PhD positions as I have been discriminated against before in a professional capacity.”

“[I] even had the comment during an interview “I didn’t realise you are a single parent” (accompanied by a frown) and putting down a pen and no more notes being taken.”

childcare challenges and work

“I was offered a job in a faith school, accepted the job, arranged before and after school care for my child. However I needed 15minutes flexibility from dropping my child off to getting to place of work. The employer said no and said I had to organise childcare which I had but couldn't get an earlier start, they then withdrew the offer. No negotiation, nothing.”

“When applying for work where shift work must be done, there is again an assumption that nurseries are able to be that flexible or that out of nursery hours you have someone to help out with childcare. I cannot afford wrap around nursery care as a single parent for work that is unpredictable or shift work. This is distressing as shift work is the norm in my field/ chosen profession.”

professional development and the workplace

“At work it is made abundantly clear I am not selected for certain training, as I work part time as a lone parent.”

“In my old job I was not given a promotion because I was [a] single parent to then 6 children. The person who got the job wasn’t as qualified but they worried I wouldn’t be able to commit even though I had worked there for 6 years without it being an issue. I only found out as the person who got the job accidentally said the other candidate was better apparently but due to having lots of children they gave it to her. She wasn’t aware I was the other candidate.”

“At work I have been overlooked for a promotion because in my employers words ‘I want it all...to be a good parents and a full time employee’ she doesn’t consider that possible for a single parent!”

“On trying to discuss my prospects for a long term career with my company and what development plan I could be on to secure a rise in salary, I was told there were no prospects of salary increases but not to worry as he was sure things will improve for me once I find a partner to help me financially with the family! This was the HR Director saying this.”

in the workplace

“I was bullied into a state of extreme ill health because I was seen as an easy target as a single parent at work. Previously faultless record and outstanding appraisals. But managed out effectively.”

“I was verbally informed I did not have the same right to work from home that mothers with partners had.”

“Lost out this year for promotion due to Covid and being a single mum, they were concerned I had no childcare to be able to work from home efficiently. They kept on another finance employee who was a temp and made me redundant (this is illegal but I have enough on my plate already to fight it).”

“I've also recently been informed by work that they are making me redundant due to no longer being able to work the hours they want me to, despite having my return to work on part time basis pre-agreed.” 

“I was threatened with a written warning when I said I wasn’t able to attend a staff conference that involved a two night stay away from home. At the time I didn’t have family nearby who could look after my daughter.”

Government beneifts and the TAX SYSTEM

“I earned a good salary so when the new rules came in re child benefit, I could no longer claim but married friends earning less than me individually but more than me as a household were able to claim.”

“Paying into the childcare voucher scheme I was limited to just pay in 1 amount per month, whilst colleagues in a couple could pay in double and get double the amount tax free.”

“I now have to repay my child benefit in full every year as my income is over £50k. If I had a partner, we could jointly earn £100k without having to pay back child benefit.”

“It's hideous and we need a better and more fair welfare system. It is not a welfare system if it leaves people perpetually teetering on the brink of a breakdown. It's hideous.”

“My son will also face a massive inheritance tax bill on his home when I die because I have no spouse to double the tax threshold.”

impact on children

“They have had to witness my distress tears anxiety and have had to console me. They now have mood swings and difficulty coping with stresses.”

“My child has been terrorised in his own home and at his school by bullies who felt he had fewer rights because he had no father at home.”

“During lockdown it’s been horrible not being able to homeschool well due to working and my son who used to love books is now addicted to screens because we had to compromise so he could stay engaged while I worked. I feel like it’s damaging for my son to feel like he’s a constant inconvenience, when he’s the whole reason I work so hard anyway.”

impact on single parents

“Lowering self esteem and confidence, feeling overlooked and 'not worthy', embarrassed, felt like a parent of a 'broken home' is a failure and is unable to juggle professional employment with a family. Made me sad, teary, upset, angry, frustrated and violated.”

“I would cry every day I felt like running away and that the kids would be better off without me as I was failing.”

“I have been forced to take menial low paid work as opposed to the level and pay that my experience and qualifications should offer. I am living on a high dosage of anxiety and depression medication. I have been suicidal and feel vulnerable at all times.”

“I've had periods of living on beans in toast as I couldn't afford healthy nutritious food. I've had periods of severe depression and guilt where I feel so run down and exhausted I don't feel I'm enough.”

“Working full time makes me ill from exhaustion but the government still expects me to, to the point of cutting benefits to try to make me, but no one will employ me because I'm a single parent and can't work the varied shifts!”

“Each incident initially made me feel like a worthless and pathetic member of society, like the lowest rank and like a waste of space. I very quickly pulled my self out of this reaction and then just angry at the injustice and discrimination against single parents.”

“I have to pay every time I want someone else to take my child to school or collect so that I can work normal hours so for me to go to work costs me more than a two parent family member. The list goes on and on - everything costs twice as much, but you have half the earning capacity of two adults leading a family, and half the flexibility, half the paid holiday allowance - if any, half the capacity to care for your child, you can never rest when ill as only you can take your hyperactive child to the playground so you don't get well and then your work is at risk for longer... There is no increased child benefit for single parents, It's all much harder when you're doing the work of two people with no understanding or advocacy from government for this additional burden.”

“I can't afford school trips, uniforms, equipment, I have to go cap-in-hand to my relatives which is embarrassing and demeaning. I can't afford fresh fruit and veg for my children. I am in debt.”

“I never had any idea how bad it is until I became a single parent. The lack of opportunities for parents to work or ever get a break is appalling and contributes to child poverty.”

“I sacrificed so much, worked as many hours as I could, fought so hard  and I have nothing really to show for it. I don’t own anything. Have no pensions, savings, no investments, still in insecure housing. Still trying to get the CSA (now CMS) to force his dad to pay the arrears he’s owed. I feel so guilty that I was never enough and I worked so hard all the time that I feel I missed out on his childhood years through sheer exhaustion.”

racism and single parents

“I have had to deal with several negative comments re being black and a single mum.”

“I think being a black singer mother comes with many stereotypes and I think that was massive factor in my housing officer issuing me with a notice of eviction after I had verbally agreed a payment plan with her.”

“I’ve experienced unfair treatment as an Arab single mother. Including not getting support because authorities have assumed I’ve lied about being a single parent with the assumption that all Muslims are married.”

single parents living with disabilities

“I am also disabled. This has made discrimination harder. It's like people sigh with exasperation that I'm making things more difficult on purpose!”

 “Because I am a single, disabled, parent I never last more than 2 years in paid employment, and am always the first to be dismissed for made up reasons.”

young single parents

“I’ve been discriminated or misjudged based on the combination of appearing young whilst also being a single mother in many areas from schools, housing, hospitals, doctors and even [single parent] Charity staff.”

“I feel that my experiences are compounded by the fact that I look quite young. As a 23 year old parent I was spoken down to a bit by HCPs who often assumed I was 16/17, which actually I feel is worse because even if I was those ages I would still be a caregiver or patient and deserve to be treated and respected as such.”

what single parents want

“Discrimination against single parents is systemic in this country. I believe being a single parent should be a “protected characteristic” and the difficulties faced by single parents recognised by law. Single parents should be protected and nourished, encouraged and praised. Their children should be supported and respected for the pressures and stresses life brings when you only have one care giver. Society should drastically change its view towards us. We are warriors! The strongest, most powerful women I know are long term single parents. They are true fighters and real heroes who deserve respect….I am so angry at the way single parents are still treated. I grew up in a single parent family and have run one, we shouldn’t still be fighting to make it alright for these parents and their children.”

“This is a huge issue In the UK, there needs to be better, more affordable childcare options available and being a single parent be a protected characteristic.”

“Single parent discrimination needs to be formally recognised in the UK with adequate support given to ensure the same opportunities for housing, support, employment and career progression are given.”

“Single Mothers need to be celebrated more.”

“There needs to be heightened awareness in society about the difficulties single parent households face.”

“Never in advents do you see single parents represented considering statistically a reasonable percentage of children are raised in single parent families, it should be more prominently represented.”

“[T]his stigma needs to stop and nobody should judge anyone because the best thing I did was become a single parent as my kids have a better life and are happier.”

“The biggest thing that would make a difference is legislation around part time work. EVERY POSITION should have to be advertised as part time. Including senior positions. It should not be legal for positions to only be full-time as this discriminates enormously against people with caring responsibilities and particularly single parents upon whom the burden falls most heavily/unavoidably.”

“I also feel that there should be recognition in the work place that when you are a single parent you are the sole parent who has to do all the cover for your sick children and maybe there should be some leeway to allow for extra time to look after your children and not be penalised for being at home when they are ill or if they have appointments etc.”

“Companies need to improve and update their interaction and policies to help single parents.”

the positives of single parenting

“I keep reminding myself that if you look at the same story [of Marcus Rashford and FSMs] the hero is Marcus’s mum too. She raised that kid. In poverty. She helped him chase his dreams. Single mums rock.”

“I'm a better parent doing it solo.”

“[I] provide a MORE stable life for my children than they'd have had if I were still with their father.” 

“We need more great examples of brilliant single parents to challenge the stereotype. When I first unexpectedly became a single mum with a newborn following separation from my husband I saw no role models and there was no help for me. A number of years later, I have achieved things I didn’t think possible and provided a good life for my child. That seemed impossible at the time the stereotypes so negative.”

what non-single parents said

“During a post interview debrief it [was] commented that they wouldn’t be as flexible because they were a single parent.”

“I feel that single parents are forgotten about and therefore discriminated against.”

“It's not just about creating equality but about creating equity.”

“They were unable to take their child into Tesco and the child was asked to stand outside and wait.”

“The child was about 4. The employee said only one person allowed into the shop and she should get someone to look after the child. She was a single parent so had no one else.”

“Just being seen as someone who is irresponsible and unable to care for their children. Turned down for a house because they are a single parent despite having a good job, non flexible work outside the home, turned down for finance despite having the ability to afford it.”

“Brother in law was in line for a promotion but had his days he could see his child changed up due to covid affecting the mothers work and because he wasn't able to get cover and had to look after his daughter his boss took him out of the running. It ended up going to a guy who's wife looked after his kids in the evening.”